Coding is very different from learning a language. It involves way more problem-solving. I have needed to re-learn how I learn. From the start, learning to code is a long-term goal, but I chip away at it every day except the weekends (for now.)
I've been really stuck for the last two weeks, unable to figure out how to fix my bug. I'm working with HTML, CSS, and PHP through a bootstrapped theme. The code is working fine, but the form isn't coming through to my e-mail. Something I cannot see is wrong. Going about trying to fix this problem has proven difficult. I am a beginner, and I'm humble. I'm used to being able to do things easily, though, and so my grit mentality isn't quite developed YET. It's late in the game, but I'm getting there.
Learning to code, when not on a job, can't be done in a vacuum. There are a lot of programs out there, like the Flatiron school's free online boot camp, which has you reading the material and attempting code in an online text-editor and console. This approach is really removed. Although it matters what you do (and that you do and learn something), it matters more why you do it. Applying knowledge, getting functional websites up and running, that should be the focus here so that we can move forward in our individually created purpose... I will not maintain joy and spark if I don't keep applying these learned skills to something. In fact, I should have my SOMETHING guide what skills I want to learn.
That's how I'll stay motivated. Now it makes me want to get back to that work!
Wednesday 13 December 2017
Tuesday 21 February 2017
The transcript
11/27/16
It's a crazy world we live in. I'm driving down DC and thinking about what's going on. There's that feeling of powerlessness within me, and that nothing I can do can affect change. It's a dangerously complacent way to exist. I was happy with our president Obama, meanwhile there were many people whose voices were not heard. And I haven't expressed my own voice either. Through inaction like that, I just let this happen. Me and the other millenials who thought it was all peachy and so friggin great in our country, because It is. It's going great for a lot of people. Bubbles exist everywhere, so you don't really have to pay attention. In fact, it's easier not to pay attention. However, It's always been subtly driving me crazy. Like, when you/i walk by a homeless person and you don't give them money because you/i don't want to acknowledge that the problem exists. You/i start thinking about how socialized medicine should have saved that man from his struggle, and go all into your/my head and think about the problems of society and ruminating, instead of actually doing something.
It's not fair to other people that I feel powerless, because so many people need people like me to step up and do something. Thankfully, millenials have an urge to do something meaningful because (many of us), we DO see all this shit happening, and we want to put our work where our hearts are. and ugh! It is so hard to do that. I found a miniscule way to do that by being a teacher. I just met someone who will go into journalism. And others who are philosophically and existentially struggling and suffering.
I am still hopeful. That hasn't gone away. There's lessons to be learned in what is happening. It's going to be okay. It might wake a sleepy nation into something greater.
I heard the man in the restaurant say that "It ain't gonna change his day to day" Of course, the 27 man says "We don't realize how much the President can change our day-to-day existence." THere are tangible concerns that occasionally pop up into our experience, such as marrying interracially, or ending an unwanted pregnancy, or travelling to countries you'd like to visit.
So I agree that my day to day will not change because I will keep having fun, frolicking, taking care of myself, relaxing, working, having personal problems that pail in comparison to the grand scheme of things, and going about my business. But I will have an added dimension to my life, that of fighting for what's important to me: The planet, the underdogs in society (immigrants, POC, natives, QLGBT, the poor and therefore powerless)
I don't believe we need to live in fear of anyone. Sometimes our lives in immediate danger, but it's not something we need to always be on edge about. It's like the Cold War is breaking out again. We are collectively feeling xenophobic and afraid of the outside world.
And i've been reaching out for a couple of years to literal neighbors. I've been crossing boundaries, yard lines, to go over to my neighbor, go into their house, and get to know people who are completely different than me, and find commonality. We have the same needs, same desires, same basic aspirations in life. We are all humans and we can't just say someone is "evil" and something is a "disaster" without seeing the other side. Collective self-entitlement and greed.
The grassroots movement shifts, get into comma unities, grow your own food... because whoever controls your food and water controls your life. The fact that people need to pay so much for rent is really sad. Affordable housing! People need to build their own houses on trailers and relax laws about where you can park your car. If noone is violently acting out, you should be able to park your trailer, car, or tiny house, or build a tree house and live in a tree. Give people more freedom.
Democracy is not working. I proclaim anarchy! I do not want to live in a fake democracy where we say we "voted" for our President and he won, because I DO NOT CONSENT to this person name.
Because my country does this, "COUNTRY" is not the most important thing to me anymore. Because I'm multi-racial and multi-cultural, i've never had my country anyway. I was alwyas so proud of being the first person in my family to be born in the United States. When Bush was president, I was okay with that. He was listening to his advisors, they were Republican, and it was understandable and acceptable in some form, even though it was comical and embarrassing.
We need to have figureheads of communities. We need local leaders. Our President sucks, so we need to have role models. I elect people like Bill Mollison, Masanobu Fukuoaka, leaders in communities, creating a plot of earth acceptable to everyone in that community through CONSENSUS decision making, talking it out until there is AGREEMENT!
What we have is not Democracy. Electoral College and Gerrymandering makes this not a "DEMOCRACY" in the way that we idealize. So let's make America a more perefect union.
I always thought politics wouldn't affect me and I simply would not watch the news. But its affecting everyone around me. It's scaring my friend, my children are shocked and confused that such a person could be elected as the leader of our country.
It's going to be okay, though. It's gonna be rough. but that's life.
We're going to keep having sex, we're going to keep drinking (collectively) and partying, we are going to keep working, keep frollicking, and doing the things we enjoy. We have work to do. I need to work on becoming more vigilant and do my tiny little part in assembling journalists to make a relevant podcast (Thanks "Pod Save America")
Or assemble a group of people to make a picket sign. What would you like to tell the world if news cameras were on you? With now, Donald Trump being president, what do you want the world to know about the United States? Not just the U.S, but about humans. We are a community. We would not have evolved this far if we had not learned how to cooperate.
Or to teach children how to use all their words, how to share, how to cooperate, talk about how they feel. Maybe that's my small part in it. THat's a very long term thing, so I need to do short-term things as well, like gardening and picket signs. And then long-term goals being to raise adults who can talk about their feelings, debate ideas, and create solutions.
It's going to be okay! We're going to get through this. So that's life!
End Transcript.
And after writing this transcript, I am going to learn some principles for community organizing,..
Thanks for reading (?)
It's a crazy world we live in. I'm driving down DC and thinking about what's going on. There's that feeling of powerlessness within me, and that nothing I can do can affect change. It's a dangerously complacent way to exist. I was happy with our president Obama, meanwhile there were many people whose voices were not heard. And I haven't expressed my own voice either. Through inaction like that, I just let this happen. Me and the other millenials who thought it was all peachy and so friggin great in our country, because It is. It's going great for a lot of people. Bubbles exist everywhere, so you don't really have to pay attention. In fact, it's easier not to pay attention. However, It's always been subtly driving me crazy. Like, when you/i walk by a homeless person and you don't give them money because you/i don't want to acknowledge that the problem exists. You/i start thinking about how socialized medicine should have saved that man from his struggle, and go all into your/my head and think about the problems of society and ruminating, instead of actually doing something.
It's not fair to other people that I feel powerless, because so many people need people like me to step up and do something. Thankfully, millenials have an urge to do something meaningful because (many of us), we DO see all this shit happening, and we want to put our work where our hearts are. and ugh! It is so hard to do that. I found a miniscule way to do that by being a teacher. I just met someone who will go into journalism. And others who are philosophically and existentially struggling and suffering.
I am still hopeful. That hasn't gone away. There's lessons to be learned in what is happening. It's going to be okay. It might wake a sleepy nation into something greater.
I heard the man in the restaurant say that "It ain't gonna change his day to day" Of course, the 27 man says "We don't realize how much the President can change our day-to-day existence." THere are tangible concerns that occasionally pop up into our experience, such as marrying interracially, or ending an unwanted pregnancy, or travelling to countries you'd like to visit.
So I agree that my day to day will not change because I will keep having fun, frolicking, taking care of myself, relaxing, working, having personal problems that pail in comparison to the grand scheme of things, and going about my business. But I will have an added dimension to my life, that of fighting for what's important to me: The planet, the underdogs in society (immigrants, POC, natives, QLGBT, the poor and therefore powerless)
I don't believe we need to live in fear of anyone. Sometimes our lives in immediate danger, but it's not something we need to always be on edge about. It's like the Cold War is breaking out again. We are collectively feeling xenophobic and afraid of the outside world.
And i've been reaching out for a couple of years to literal neighbors. I've been crossing boundaries, yard lines, to go over to my neighbor, go into their house, and get to know people who are completely different than me, and find commonality. We have the same needs, same desires, same basic aspirations in life. We are all humans and we can't just say someone is "evil" and something is a "disaster" without seeing the other side. Collective self-entitlement and greed.
The grassroots movement shifts, get into comma unities, grow your own food... because whoever controls your food and water controls your life. The fact that people need to pay so much for rent is really sad. Affordable housing! People need to build their own houses on trailers and relax laws about where you can park your car. If noone is violently acting out, you should be able to park your trailer, car, or tiny house, or build a tree house and live in a tree. Give people more freedom.
Democracy is not working. I proclaim anarchy! I do not want to live in a fake democracy where we say we "voted" for our President and he won, because I DO NOT CONSENT to this person name.
Because my country does this, "COUNTRY" is not the most important thing to me anymore. Because I'm multi-racial and multi-cultural, i've never had my country anyway. I was alwyas so proud of being the first person in my family to be born in the United States. When Bush was president, I was okay with that. He was listening to his advisors, they were Republican, and it was understandable and acceptable in some form, even though it was comical and embarrassing.
We need to have figureheads of communities. We need local leaders. Our President sucks, so we need to have role models. I elect people like Bill Mollison, Masanobu Fukuoaka, leaders in communities, creating a plot of earth acceptable to everyone in that community through CONSENSUS decision making, talking it out until there is AGREEMENT!
What we have is not Democracy. Electoral College and Gerrymandering makes this not a "DEMOCRACY" in the way that we idealize. So let's make America a more perefect union.
I always thought politics wouldn't affect me and I simply would not watch the news. But its affecting everyone around me. It's scaring my friend, my children are shocked and confused that such a person could be elected as the leader of our country.
It's going to be okay, though. It's gonna be rough. but that's life.
We're going to keep having sex, we're going to keep drinking (collectively) and partying, we are going to keep working, keep frollicking, and doing the things we enjoy. We have work to do. I need to work on becoming more vigilant and do my tiny little part in assembling journalists to make a relevant podcast (Thanks "Pod Save America")
Or assemble a group of people to make a picket sign. What would you like to tell the world if news cameras were on you? With now, Donald Trump being president, what do you want the world to know about the United States? Not just the U.S, but about humans. We are a community. We would not have evolved this far if we had not learned how to cooperate.
Or to teach children how to use all their words, how to share, how to cooperate, talk about how they feel. Maybe that's my small part in it. THat's a very long term thing, so I need to do short-term things as well, like gardening and picket signs. And then long-term goals being to raise adults who can talk about their feelings, debate ideas, and create solutions.
It's going to be okay! We're going to get through this. So that's life!
End Transcript.
And after writing this transcript, I am going to learn some principles for community organizing,..
Thanks for reading (?)
Friday 6 March 2015
Broadcast to the World
Hi Everyone,
I've been exploring: Life-with-TV and Life-Without-TV and It's conclusive. Life without TV is more empowered and enjoyable. Life with TV will tell you what is going on in the world in a very negative manner.
Life without TV still keeps me informed about the world, contrary to my parents beliefs, but I am able to put my own optimistic spin on it.
Let's talk about what's going on in the world. Some buzz words that come to mind are Financial Crisis, presidential nominations, oil crisis, war in ____, refugees in ______, poverty and inequality, racial prejudice, LGBT crimes, crimes against fanatic religious, crimes against people with a different worldview, bombs, hunger, climate change, climate change, climate change, earthquakes, military officials.... That's most of pop news, although occasionally i'll be pleasantly surprised to hear a story about polyamory or on the culture of cannabis users. But the prevailing mindset is broadcasted on TV, and doesn't offer any solutions to the problems, only presents problems.
What I don't hear about, unless I am actively looking for it through a variety of sources, is great science, exploration, options, ways of thinking that are ecologically responsible and changing what's going on. When I discovered permaculture and the culture of ecovillages, I thought I found a great solution. But to put it into practice requires a little bit of time for me.
There is a place in Africa ___insert name of community____ founded by a former rocket scientist. He is from Nigeria and was studying in Stanford and he realized he could help Africans with what he was learning, so he started a palm oil production company that uses its waste to grow mushrooms, and has its own parts shipped in from various places to build machines for pressing palm oil, recycling plastics, making bricks, et cetera. They have a fishery, the waste water is fed through plants that filter it, and the waste water goes through this system and back into the fishery.
There are places all over the world using permaculture principles to enrich the soil, create a sustainable community, and help contribute to a positive effect that humans can have on earth. If people everywhere could be more educated about the alternative lifestyles and systems that can be created, I'm positive we can create a happier, more peaceful, more healthy and harmonious planet. So first I need to acquire all the knowledge I need, then I need to seek out the resources to do this. All this while trying to create a beautiful life for myself and my family.
I am hopeful that there are people out there who are already doing this and have already been doing this for decades. It is my understanding that the human race is going on at its normal rate even though the emergency siren is beeping with all the symptoms we are experiencing. But the crisis hasn't really hit most of the people yet. I have basic knowledge of permaculture and a meager seed bank started, just to prepare for rising food prices and a breakdown and collapse of the-way-things-are. Now, i just became self conscious of the voices in my head calling me paranoid and end-of-world-crazed-hippie.
But think about this: I drive to work every day to watch other people's children and to educate them. All those parents drive a long time to get to their jobs doing abstract, sometimes practical work. They buy bins and bins of unnecessary laundry detergent, and create so much waste. Every week I take my waste bins to the curb side and wonder what's going to happen to all of it. Some of it will go to rolling hills of landfills. Some of it will be recycled to make more plastic bottles to fuel our consumptive habit. All of it is unnecessary.
All of it is hurting the planet and making life on earth unstable.
If we look at the beautiful forests that we like to visit, or our neighborhood full of peaceful, content people, we can easily think there is no threat. There is nothing urgent going on. I guess humans just don't respond unless there is a real, imminent, obvious crisis. We need to see blood, we need to feel fear in order to act.
I don't feel enough fear to call myself paranoid. Sure, i invested in 100$ worth of vacuum sealed seeds and an airtight container. I am taking note of what I want to create, which is gardens and sustainable systems. I'm afraid I'm not moving quick enough, getting sidetracked by all my other desires (such as, to live in the city, to be near my family, to provide a good education for my son, to make enough money to save up for all my grand dreams, to be healthy, happy, and content despite it all...)
So this was basically what I've been wanting to say for a couple weeks now. It's been bubbling beneath the surface as I go throughout my day, as I drive to and from work, as I think about what to do next year when my internship as a montessori teacher is over.
I want to find an ecovillage, or find a montessori teacher job at a place that goes past kindergarten and into elementary years so that my son can get a good-enough, well-rounded education. I want to stop living in an unnecessarily big house, even though I love the garden I've planted around it and the space offers certain benefits and opportunities that I have not yet taken advantage of. (Check! created a meetup group for my basement. LoL!! Might as well try before i leave this place!)
Wish me luck. Tell me what your vision is.
I've been exploring: Life-with-TV and Life-Without-TV and It's conclusive. Life without TV is more empowered and enjoyable. Life with TV will tell you what is going on in the world in a very negative manner.
Life without TV still keeps me informed about the world, contrary to my parents beliefs, but I am able to put my own optimistic spin on it.
Let's talk about what's going on in the world. Some buzz words that come to mind are Financial Crisis, presidential nominations, oil crisis, war in ____, refugees in ______, poverty and inequality, racial prejudice, LGBT crimes, crimes against fanatic religious, crimes against people with a different worldview, bombs, hunger, climate change, climate change, climate change, earthquakes, military officials.... That's most of pop news, although occasionally i'll be pleasantly surprised to hear a story about polyamory or on the culture of cannabis users. But the prevailing mindset is broadcasted on TV, and doesn't offer any solutions to the problems, only presents problems.
What I don't hear about, unless I am actively looking for it through a variety of sources, is great science, exploration, options, ways of thinking that are ecologically responsible and changing what's going on. When I discovered permaculture and the culture of ecovillages, I thought I found a great solution. But to put it into practice requires a little bit of time for me.
There is a place in Africa ___insert name of community____ founded by a former rocket scientist. He is from Nigeria and was studying in Stanford and he realized he could help Africans with what he was learning, so he started a palm oil production company that uses its waste to grow mushrooms, and has its own parts shipped in from various places to build machines for pressing palm oil, recycling plastics, making bricks, et cetera. They have a fishery, the waste water is fed through plants that filter it, and the waste water goes through this system and back into the fishery.
There are places all over the world using permaculture principles to enrich the soil, create a sustainable community, and help contribute to a positive effect that humans can have on earth. If people everywhere could be more educated about the alternative lifestyles and systems that can be created, I'm positive we can create a happier, more peaceful, more healthy and harmonious planet. So first I need to acquire all the knowledge I need, then I need to seek out the resources to do this. All this while trying to create a beautiful life for myself and my family.
I am hopeful that there are people out there who are already doing this and have already been doing this for decades. It is my understanding that the human race is going on at its normal rate even though the emergency siren is beeping with all the symptoms we are experiencing. But the crisis hasn't really hit most of the people yet. I have basic knowledge of permaculture and a meager seed bank started, just to prepare for rising food prices and a breakdown and collapse of the-way-things-are. Now, i just became self conscious of the voices in my head calling me paranoid and end-of-world-crazed-hippie.
But think about this: I drive to work every day to watch other people's children and to educate them. All those parents drive a long time to get to their jobs doing abstract, sometimes practical work. They buy bins and bins of unnecessary laundry detergent, and create so much waste. Every week I take my waste bins to the curb side and wonder what's going to happen to all of it. Some of it will go to rolling hills of landfills. Some of it will be recycled to make more plastic bottles to fuel our consumptive habit. All of it is unnecessary.
All of it is hurting the planet and making life on earth unstable.
If we look at the beautiful forests that we like to visit, or our neighborhood full of peaceful, content people, we can easily think there is no threat. There is nothing urgent going on. I guess humans just don't respond unless there is a real, imminent, obvious crisis. We need to see blood, we need to feel fear in order to act.
I don't feel enough fear to call myself paranoid. Sure, i invested in 100$ worth of vacuum sealed seeds and an airtight container. I am taking note of what I want to create, which is gardens and sustainable systems. I'm afraid I'm not moving quick enough, getting sidetracked by all my other desires (such as, to live in the city, to be near my family, to provide a good education for my son, to make enough money to save up for all my grand dreams, to be healthy, happy, and content despite it all...)
So this was basically what I've been wanting to say for a couple weeks now. It's been bubbling beneath the surface as I go throughout my day, as I drive to and from work, as I think about what to do next year when my internship as a montessori teacher is over.
I want to find an ecovillage, or find a montessori teacher job at a place that goes past kindergarten and into elementary years so that my son can get a good-enough, well-rounded education. I want to stop living in an unnecessarily big house, even though I love the garden I've planted around it and the space offers certain benefits and opportunities that I have not yet taken advantage of. (Check! created a meetup group for my basement. LoL!! Might as well try before i leave this place!)
Wish me luck. Tell me what your vision is.
Friday 7 June 2013
Moods and reality
I'm finally getting better at recognizing what thoughts are due to my current mood and how my perception of life and society and people are related to mood. Mood can be tweaked through body posture, exercise, diet, and overall life balance. But beyond mood is purpose and the goals that crystallize our dreams for the future. No matter what mood I'm in, I use the tools I have to stay confident about my commitment to the future and steadfast in my practice.
Monday 24 December 2012
How I see the World
the world. as i understand it, is full of possibilities and probabilities.
There's a lot we can agree on: It is round, there are rich and poor folk, there's healthy and junk food.
My explanations for Why-It-Is-The-Way-It-Is varies often,
but some beliefs are constant.
There's a high probability in my view that Big Anonymous Companies are benefiting at the expense of less fortunate people. There's a high probability that food has become a commodity and that we suffer because of it in health and in the future health of our planet....
There's, in my view, a high probability that this is unintentionally malicious, and that indivual people seek security and pleasure without considering the widespread effect that this behavior has on the less fortunate. There's also a mild possibility that it is Intentionally malicious as is often portrayed in the media, but I do not believe this.
There is a high, very high probability, that material existence is the tip of the reality-iceberg, and that life-after-death is real, and that consciousness permeates all around us. There is a small possibility that there is a malicious form of spirits, but since this extra-material realm necessitates certain experiences to confirm my personal belief, i choose not to believe scary things, because i have no confirmation of it. There's a high probability that sweet, loving, nurturing, creative, loving consciousness is all around us all the time, and that our bodies are capable of tapping into it... somehow. Maybe historically the destruction that comes with creation was interpreted as intentionally malicious, but i believe its innocent and just part of the dynamic...
There's a high probability that i am hypersensitive to tensions in my body which the average person doesn't feel. There's a high probability that "psychic" abilities are real, and that what I experience is hyper-sensitive empathy. There's a high probability that I feel the tension in peoples body and can read much more about them than they would be voluntarily vulnerable to. Luckily there's nothing to worry about, because that sort of empathic knowledge only leads me to have more compassion and not the judgment that you might worry about.
There's a high probability that our heart-beat and emotional vibration can affect people through non-material means. There's a very low possibility that unconsciously doing this negatively is not causing problems in our world...
Based on how I see the world, it seems there are problems of pollution, soil depletion, undrinkable water, decreasing biodiversity, a nauseating amount of discrepancy between the have's and have-not's, and that the effects are due to pervasive human values.
it also seems to me that people work a lot more than they want and many do work that doesn't mean anything to them. It seems like there are too few farmers working too big a plot of land without biodiversity, and a great solution would be if everybody farmed a little bit and provided enough of their own food. It would be more meaningful work, and there's a high probability that many people would spend much less time "working" (or doing what needs to be done, rather) and have more time for leisure activities... There's a possibility that the money people spend on entertainment, shopping, and food don't actually create happiness and fulfillment, and that the beauty and diversity of living in the above stated manner would actually be deeply fulfilling. There's a high probability that in general parents aren't happy with the life they live with their children as they grow up, and an equally high probability that parents would love and appreciate their children more as equal humans if they lived a more relaxed life.
So... You may have been reading this and disagreed because we chose to watch different documentaries, listened to different music growing up, met different people, and had different experiences, and we even have different temperaments and tensions in our body. It's okay to disagree with what others think is probable or even possible. There's a lot we could probably agree on.
We could probably agree that suffering is undesirable, relaxing is pleasurable, and releasing tension feels great.
And there's a large possibility that you have a job and its not meaningful, per se, but you're happy enough with it and it provides you with a comfortable lifestyle and you're not really aching for a change.
There's a possibility that reading this planted a seed in your head, and that you'll begin paying attention to the actual happiness that trinkets you buy provide you with, and a nagging feeling develops that perhaps you are unaware of a slight discontentment with the way of the world.
If you could go back to childhood and remember how to dream an infinite dream, I wonder what you would dream. There's a huge possibility that its still possible to accomplish anything you could dream of if you are persistent, diligent, patient, and full of hope and desire.
Sunday 16 December 2012
Lessons from New Age San Fran
There are different ways to experience san francisco:
Born and raised there, its city life at all its extremes.
Moved there for work, its restaurants, bars, and beautiful landscapes.
I went there and had a New Age experience because that's what i was attracted to.
What do i have to offer?
I learned to look at what I had to offer at a Gift Circle. We all wrote on an index cards what we were in Need of, or Searching for, and then also what we had to offer. It was a simple economic plan to start a Time-Bank, where an hour of service becomes an hour of service received, so i traded massages and offered lessons and received massages and lessons. But surprisingly, I had never really thought about what i had to offer. Asking the question and continually searching for what I have to give changed my mentality about the capitalist culture. I didn't know how to "make it" before and still be happy, but now I know that I'll always have something I'm willing to give, something I'm good at that others can benefit from.
Our bodies and emotions are connected.
It seems really silly to even say that, but not many people take that truth very far. Massage, tapping on pressure points, yoga, breathing exercises... All these are tools for converting tension into release, and emotional pain can manifest into physical pain, and its usually of the chronic variety of pain. Its a little unbelievable from a skeptics perspective because the scientific method hasn't progressed that far, at least not in popular awareness, but so far, empirical experiences show that the obvious connection between our emotions and our bodies has VERY broad implications that will be studied further.
Projections R Us
We react against others based on what makes us uncomfortable in ourselves, in society, in existence. It seems simple, but uncovering what those discomforts are is difficult shadow work that requires courage and willingness to learn and be humbled by our imperfections. There are fortunately many of us working at this every day, in every moment, and it is for the benefit of all humanity as well as for each individual doing the work.
Born and raised there, its city life at all its extremes.
Moved there for work, its restaurants, bars, and beautiful landscapes.
I went there and had a New Age experience because that's what i was attracted to.
What do i have to offer?
I learned to look at what I had to offer at a Gift Circle. We all wrote on an index cards what we were in Need of, or Searching for, and then also what we had to offer. It was a simple economic plan to start a Time-Bank, where an hour of service becomes an hour of service received, so i traded massages and offered lessons and received massages and lessons. But surprisingly, I had never really thought about what i had to offer. Asking the question and continually searching for what I have to give changed my mentality about the capitalist culture. I didn't know how to "make it" before and still be happy, but now I know that I'll always have something I'm willing to give, something I'm good at that others can benefit from.
Our bodies and emotions are connected.
It seems really silly to even say that, but not many people take that truth very far. Massage, tapping on pressure points, yoga, breathing exercises... All these are tools for converting tension into release, and emotional pain can manifest into physical pain, and its usually of the chronic variety of pain. Its a little unbelievable from a skeptics perspective because the scientific method hasn't progressed that far, at least not in popular awareness, but so far, empirical experiences show that the obvious connection between our emotions and our bodies has VERY broad implications that will be studied further.
Projections R Us
We react against others based on what makes us uncomfortable in ourselves, in society, in existence. It seems simple, but uncovering what those discomforts are is difficult shadow work that requires courage and willingness to learn and be humbled by our imperfections. There are fortunately many of us working at this every day, in every moment, and it is for the benefit of all humanity as well as for each individual doing the work.
lessons from my vacation in mexico
I have returned from a trip to the Yucatan peninsula. I didn't allow myself any self-enhancing overly mental practices of journaling, just as an experiment. I practiced drawing instead, which most accidentally promoted presence and eye-sight.
I spent a week in a very vast resort space amidst many different kinds of people. There were "the new rich" russians (as described by a couple from ukraine) and families of all colors, and british, germans, americans, black americans, southern americans, rich americans, lower class americans, old retired rich people, old travelers, young travelers working at the resort, mexicans working at the resort, single mothers working at the resort...
It was a beautiful location, with blue skies and palm trees. Many years ago the jungle had been bought by a "corrupt mexican president" according to my father who went to school with the children of mexican presidents, many of them corrupt. The particular mexican president then sold the land to hotel chains and told them to build resorts on the land "or else... and he'd sell them the land, too." So, the hotel chain companyies landscaped the jungle, built pleasant trails and walkways alongside old ruins, took advantage of the natural bays, added pools, flamingos, macaws, howling monkeys, and some deer, and multiple hundreds of employees, and an elaborate time-share scheme, and opened up for business.
Now, every day, some mexicans rise before dawn and some stay past their shift to cater to tourists, visitors, foreign and local, to create an "all-inclusive" experience. Tons of food is brought in, and five restaurants and a couple buffets, and a few bars are stocked overtop, and the people who come are blown away by an amazing experience.
At least in many moments during their stay and probably in hindsight, too.
There is a shadow and a light to everything and i'll talk briefly about those now. The light is that many different kinds of people can now afford excessive luxury. The shadow is that many different kinds of people choose to spend their extra money on indulging in bad habits (instead of taking the opportunity to be learning and cultivating good habits!) A few bad habits that come to mind are Overeating and drinking. Feasting and drinking on occasion is health-giving, i'm sure, but if you spend a week in one place, it is time again to practice moderation! I say this not because it is an abstract moral problem, but because in physical reality it is necessary to eat well, sleep well, and hydrate in order to be enjoy Health and long-lasting Good Feeling!
The pleasure of eating fades as the taste melts away from the mouth and the next bite comes in or is washed away with the next pleasurable drink.
[May i offer a quick note that I forgive them and do not judge them, because i assume they simply don't know any better or how to actually create lasting happiness... That's okay! We're all in this together, learning together! Rather than being judgmental, I am grateful for being shown something for my reflection.]
If we are in an environment that offers up opportunities for indulgence and promotes our bad habits, it is only with willpower that we can rise early with the sun, go for a run, stretch, breathe deep (and not cigarette smoke, but fresh ocean air) and then eat a light but nourishing breakfast.
THe first two days I was in awe of how beautiful the scenery was. I proclaimed "I am so happy to be here!" to some politely nodding neighbors by the beach. On day 3 I was unable to further ignore the unhappy attitudes of many visitors. There were many who were grumpy and i saw some frayed relationships, self-entitled attitudes, and narrowly minding their own business, and not ecstatically happy as such a luxurious vacation ought to make them be! (But as i have learned, the hedonistic treadmill SHOWS us that no matter how much we have, we always want more.) Vacations can be difficult. It really shows us at our supposed best (or most relaxed), and often its not very relaxed! How much are we able to relax and enjoy ourselves?
Family vacations, i remember growing up, could be difficult. Multiple personalities interacting, different needs and desires trying to be met in the same environment, and we're all out of our routine and we are being called to think about each step of action.
I saw many families interacting on this trip. The children were mostly happy, but some of them were not and my heart went out to them. And the children who were happy, i celebrated with them.
Then there were the couples, the young couples still excited to discover each other and the old couples who were unable to come to grips with their partners inevitable downfalls, and after years and years the differences create a rift that needs some serious pulling to get close again, and no vacation could help that for them. There were functional couples, too, and happy old couples, i'm sure, or people who have partnered up together against the world, or people who partnered up together to explore the jungle.
And there were all those in between all extremes.
There were (thankfully for me) mexican resort guests who were there to enjoy their homelands' beauty and the added luxury that the resort brought. My pop was happy to share how he came to this land before a resort was here, when the highway was just a dirt road and the bay was empty of any visitors. Now three rows of shade-optional beach chairs were hosted by waitresses who walked around taking orders and bringing beachy drinks to all these different people. My pop didn't resent the resort, but happily interacted with the locals and gave his drink order as well. I'm so thankful he treats people with humanly decent respect, and doesn't treat people like servant robots.
Of course, I realized by day 4 that I could be there and not be prey to bad habits. I awoke before my son did and stepped outside on the patio, breathing and doing exercises. I ran a few times and stayed physically present a lot of the time. I smoked some pot when i wanted, said No to drinks when i didn't want, and enjoyed the beach and looked for the positive (usually involving laughing children and loving parents, and of course, the lush jungle all around.)
It was difficult not to notice, even though it was my intention to ignore, the master-slave relationship, the privilege-poor relationship, that has plagued me all my life. I am hopping on the coattails of my fathers economic success on this vacation, and do not identify with the ruling, upper class 1% of america. I can take a vacation in a resort without Becoming whatever that represents to me, and simultaneously not lash out against it simply for being (which i saw a teenager doing, which i would have also done.) I thought about colonialism, american/western/materialist influence around the world, and the changes i wish to see post-2012 where more people can relax, enjoy, and partake in meaningful flow-state inducing work.
But what I realized about the working mexicans is that many of their individual personalities and attitudes about the world around them were reflected in their demeanor and showed me how happy they were with their job. One cleaning lady with fake nails and a gucci bag and a materialistic attitude was very unhappy. Some leaf-sweepers were sullen. Bartenders were more generally jovial, but individually they differed in their judgment of the world around them. Joel the trolley driver during the day, was very happy with what he did every day, going back and forth from one side of the lobby, around the premise, to the other side of the lobby, and back again.
I thought about the suburbs where I live. Its the very same here. We all are in the same environment, but we perceive the world around us so differently.
Some people proclaim "I cannot believe that this shit is happening... to me!!" while others ignore the problem and instead look up at the clouds with a smile. There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for. We may not be born into a family who shows us how to think this way, so we can fix our suboptimal thought-patterns by really making an effort to focusing on the good... not because we're ignoring the bad, but because we only have SO MUCH TIME in paradise, and when we think about how the people outside are smoking up the patio and we can't enjoy fresh air and therefore have to sit inside the club lounge (scoff!) or thinking about how the dive instructor is such an idiot he doesn't even know that he could have charged it to our room, or various other complaints that could arrive... Well: The power of happiness lies with the fortunate individuals who recover incredibly quickly from life's inevitable downfalls.
And we can practice recovering from the low's of life in our daily life with the tiny things. Then, when something truly big and awful happens, we'll have built up resilience by then.
All things considered (or most of them, i think) I had a very good time, and i said allowed "can we do this again!?" And i intend to return back in a few years to have a similar experience, except better.
When that time comes again, I will know that i don't have to try all the food at the buffet. I can stick to my comfortable diet of salad, fruits, and grains and experience mexican food without indulging too heavily in it and messing with my constitution. I will know that I can get a schedule of events, performances, and daily exercises that I want to experience, and take a watch (since there is no phone service and limited wifi) so I can keep track of some sort of comfortable routine, because the most exhausting part of the vacation (with a 2.6 year old) is the lack of routine and predictability. As I continue vacationing with my child, this is a valuable lesson to learn early on. Traveling necessitates flexibility and spur of the moment decisions, but when able, cultivating a routine is a very valuable thing.
my favorite memories are:
1. riding the trolley with my son until it ended (because of two failed attempts at letting him sleep) and then sitting on a path between here and there, not going anywhere, and then seeing fireworks at midnight, for no apparent occasion. At the end of the night I was so exhausted and falling asleep at the wheel of parenting...
2. seeing everyone for the first time at the first club lounge after waiting for a few hours for their arrival
3. sitting at the beach amidst beauty and being incredibly happy to be there
4. A father gave us leftover beach toys they were going to leave behind and the 3 year old was sad and pouting because they were leaving tomorrow. As they walked away i had a grand idea. I picked a turtle out of the crap he gave me, and ran back and handed it to the boy and said, 'Don't forget all the fun times you had here!" I kicked myself for saying 'don't forget' instead of 'remember,' but the harm is done. He smiled so sweetly, a crooked "aww` youuuu" kind of look i'll hopefully never forget myself :)
5. dancing with mattheus to music at the beach, him hopping around a perfectly shallow area, going around in circles forever
6. scuba diving at 40 feet and looking up, floating around, and chasing fish.
7. running through the jungle with the stroller, and around the place in the morning as everyone was waking up and going to breakfast.
8. walking with my sister through the jungle later, just as i'd hoped to do and experiencing the intense howl of the howling monkey.
9. on my last day, the trolley driver said 'me voy contigo al washington dc" and me not knowing how to respond, blushing heavily. his visitor/ guy friend sat beside him and smiled half-knowingly. there were many half-knowing people there, and very very few fully-knowing people.
10. (This is not in order of favorite memories) is Meeting Nancy and Adrian from santa fe and having great conversations about Integral Philosophy, Cultural anthropology, parenting/single parenting/new partners and parenting, and the Art of Loving Relationships. My favorite memory with them is after putting mattheus to sleep and alowing myself 20 minutes of journaling, running out to the lounge to find them sleepily cozying over a laptop and then talking with them for a good 30 minutes before going back to find mattheus sleeping. I was really excited. Adrian was really excited. Nancy is gorgeous and calm. And mattheus loved them, too, recognizing them independently of me AND location, while hew as with mami at the tennis courts.
11. talking wtih my bro-in-law poolside after mariko, mami, and papa went to the beach rushedly on the last day there. its not what we talked about that was particularly noteworthy, but the fact that it was just marc without mariko. I had gotten mariko wtihout marc, and now i got marc wtihout mariko. Its a different vibe, not better or worse, but just different.
12. ohh getting a massage with mariko was most fantastic.
13. playing with the two sisters 8 and 7 from new jersey was nice, and playing tennis barefoot with my mami was alright. archery was interesting, and rifle shooting was silly. scuba diving was nice, but the boat ride was nausea inducing. the dive-guide Fidel was really pretty and from argentina. I met a few pretty guys from argentina. Is that a thing?
14. Impressing the two arabic-looking little german girls with my sudden german was fun.
Wait, am i writing a novel or a blogpost????
I gotta end this very soon.
I think i'm word vomiting all over the internet because of my self-imposed No Writing rule during vacation. I did that because i knew my quality was suffering, and i returned from the trip with a commitment to write childrnes books and stories when i'm able and mattheus is willing to cooperate somehow.
I must start with continuing to practice my drawing skills, which is over half of the creative work of childrens book, but totally achievable.
Less writing, more drawing. resolution 2013.
I spent a week in a very vast resort space amidst many different kinds of people. There were "the new rich" russians (as described by a couple from ukraine) and families of all colors, and british, germans, americans, black americans, southern americans, rich americans, lower class americans, old retired rich people, old travelers, young travelers working at the resort, mexicans working at the resort, single mothers working at the resort...
It was a beautiful location, with blue skies and palm trees. Many years ago the jungle had been bought by a "corrupt mexican president" according to my father who went to school with the children of mexican presidents, many of them corrupt. The particular mexican president then sold the land to hotel chains and told them to build resorts on the land "or else... and he'd sell them the land, too." So, the hotel chain companyies landscaped the jungle, built pleasant trails and walkways alongside old ruins, took advantage of the natural bays, added pools, flamingos, macaws, howling monkeys, and some deer, and multiple hundreds of employees, and an elaborate time-share scheme, and opened up for business.
Now, every day, some mexicans rise before dawn and some stay past their shift to cater to tourists, visitors, foreign and local, to create an "all-inclusive" experience. Tons of food is brought in, and five restaurants and a couple buffets, and a few bars are stocked overtop, and the people who come are blown away by an amazing experience.
At least in many moments during their stay and probably in hindsight, too.
There is a shadow and a light to everything and i'll talk briefly about those now. The light is that many different kinds of people can now afford excessive luxury. The shadow is that many different kinds of people choose to spend their extra money on indulging in bad habits (instead of taking the opportunity to be learning and cultivating good habits!) A few bad habits that come to mind are Overeating and drinking. Feasting and drinking on occasion is health-giving, i'm sure, but if you spend a week in one place, it is time again to practice moderation! I say this not because it is an abstract moral problem, but because in physical reality it is necessary to eat well, sleep well, and hydrate in order to be enjoy Health and long-lasting Good Feeling!
The pleasure of eating fades as the taste melts away from the mouth and the next bite comes in or is washed away with the next pleasurable drink.
[May i offer a quick note that I forgive them and do not judge them, because i assume they simply don't know any better or how to actually create lasting happiness... That's okay! We're all in this together, learning together! Rather than being judgmental, I am grateful for being shown something for my reflection.]
If we are in an environment that offers up opportunities for indulgence and promotes our bad habits, it is only with willpower that we can rise early with the sun, go for a run, stretch, breathe deep (and not cigarette smoke, but fresh ocean air) and then eat a light but nourishing breakfast.
THe first two days I was in awe of how beautiful the scenery was. I proclaimed "I am so happy to be here!" to some politely nodding neighbors by the beach. On day 3 I was unable to further ignore the unhappy attitudes of many visitors. There were many who were grumpy and i saw some frayed relationships, self-entitled attitudes, and narrowly minding their own business, and not ecstatically happy as such a luxurious vacation ought to make them be! (But as i have learned, the hedonistic treadmill SHOWS us that no matter how much we have, we always want more.) Vacations can be difficult. It really shows us at our supposed best (or most relaxed), and often its not very relaxed! How much are we able to relax and enjoy ourselves?
Family vacations, i remember growing up, could be difficult. Multiple personalities interacting, different needs and desires trying to be met in the same environment, and we're all out of our routine and we are being called to think about each step of action.
I saw many families interacting on this trip. The children were mostly happy, but some of them were not and my heart went out to them. And the children who were happy, i celebrated with them.
Then there were the couples, the young couples still excited to discover each other and the old couples who were unable to come to grips with their partners inevitable downfalls, and after years and years the differences create a rift that needs some serious pulling to get close again, and no vacation could help that for them. There were functional couples, too, and happy old couples, i'm sure, or people who have partnered up together against the world, or people who partnered up together to explore the jungle.
And there were all those in between all extremes.
There were (thankfully for me) mexican resort guests who were there to enjoy their homelands' beauty and the added luxury that the resort brought. My pop was happy to share how he came to this land before a resort was here, when the highway was just a dirt road and the bay was empty of any visitors. Now three rows of shade-optional beach chairs were hosted by waitresses who walked around taking orders and bringing beachy drinks to all these different people. My pop didn't resent the resort, but happily interacted with the locals and gave his drink order as well. I'm so thankful he treats people with humanly decent respect, and doesn't treat people like servant robots.
Of course, I realized by day 4 that I could be there and not be prey to bad habits. I awoke before my son did and stepped outside on the patio, breathing and doing exercises. I ran a few times and stayed physically present a lot of the time. I smoked some pot when i wanted, said No to drinks when i didn't want, and enjoyed the beach and looked for the positive (usually involving laughing children and loving parents, and of course, the lush jungle all around.)
It was difficult not to notice, even though it was my intention to ignore, the master-slave relationship, the privilege-poor relationship, that has plagued me all my life. I am hopping on the coattails of my fathers economic success on this vacation, and do not identify with the ruling, upper class 1% of america. I can take a vacation in a resort without Becoming whatever that represents to me, and simultaneously not lash out against it simply for being (which i saw a teenager doing, which i would have also done.) I thought about colonialism, american/western/materialist influence around the world, and the changes i wish to see post-2012 where more people can relax, enjoy, and partake in meaningful flow-state inducing work.
But what I realized about the working mexicans is that many of their individual personalities and attitudes about the world around them were reflected in their demeanor and showed me how happy they were with their job. One cleaning lady with fake nails and a gucci bag and a materialistic attitude was very unhappy. Some leaf-sweepers were sullen. Bartenders were more generally jovial, but individually they differed in their judgment of the world around them. Joel the trolley driver during the day, was very happy with what he did every day, going back and forth from one side of the lobby, around the premise, to the other side of the lobby, and back again.
I thought about the suburbs where I live. Its the very same here. We all are in the same environment, but we perceive the world around us so differently.
Some people proclaim "I cannot believe that this shit is happening... to me!!" while others ignore the problem and instead look up at the clouds with a smile. There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for. We may not be born into a family who shows us how to think this way, so we can fix our suboptimal thought-patterns by really making an effort to focusing on the good... not because we're ignoring the bad, but because we only have SO MUCH TIME in paradise, and when we think about how the people outside are smoking up the patio and we can't enjoy fresh air and therefore have to sit inside the club lounge (scoff!) or thinking about how the dive instructor is such an idiot he doesn't even know that he could have charged it to our room, or various other complaints that could arrive... Well: The power of happiness lies with the fortunate individuals who recover incredibly quickly from life's inevitable downfalls.
And we can practice recovering from the low's of life in our daily life with the tiny things. Then, when something truly big and awful happens, we'll have built up resilience by then.
All things considered (or most of them, i think) I had a very good time, and i said allowed "can we do this again!?" And i intend to return back in a few years to have a similar experience, except better.
When that time comes again, I will know that i don't have to try all the food at the buffet. I can stick to my comfortable diet of salad, fruits, and grains and experience mexican food without indulging too heavily in it and messing with my constitution. I will know that I can get a schedule of events, performances, and daily exercises that I want to experience, and take a watch (since there is no phone service and limited wifi) so I can keep track of some sort of comfortable routine, because the most exhausting part of the vacation (with a 2.6 year old) is the lack of routine and predictability. As I continue vacationing with my child, this is a valuable lesson to learn early on. Traveling necessitates flexibility and spur of the moment decisions, but when able, cultivating a routine is a very valuable thing.
my favorite memories are:
1. riding the trolley with my son until it ended (because of two failed attempts at letting him sleep) and then sitting on a path between here and there, not going anywhere, and then seeing fireworks at midnight, for no apparent occasion. At the end of the night I was so exhausted and falling asleep at the wheel of parenting...
2. seeing everyone for the first time at the first club lounge after waiting for a few hours for their arrival
3. sitting at the beach amidst beauty and being incredibly happy to be there
4. A father gave us leftover beach toys they were going to leave behind and the 3 year old was sad and pouting because they were leaving tomorrow. As they walked away i had a grand idea. I picked a turtle out of the crap he gave me, and ran back and handed it to the boy and said, 'Don't forget all the fun times you had here!" I kicked myself for saying 'don't forget' instead of 'remember,' but the harm is done. He smiled so sweetly, a crooked "aww` youuuu" kind of look i'll hopefully never forget myself :)
5. dancing with mattheus to music at the beach, him hopping around a perfectly shallow area, going around in circles forever
6. scuba diving at 40 feet and looking up, floating around, and chasing fish.
7. running through the jungle with the stroller, and around the place in the morning as everyone was waking up and going to breakfast.
8. walking with my sister through the jungle later, just as i'd hoped to do and experiencing the intense howl of the howling monkey.
9. on my last day, the trolley driver said 'me voy contigo al washington dc" and me not knowing how to respond, blushing heavily. his visitor/ guy friend sat beside him and smiled half-knowingly. there were many half-knowing people there, and very very few fully-knowing people.
10. (This is not in order of favorite memories) is Meeting Nancy and Adrian from santa fe and having great conversations about Integral Philosophy, Cultural anthropology, parenting/single parenting/new partners and parenting, and the Art of Loving Relationships. My favorite memory with them is after putting mattheus to sleep and alowing myself 20 minutes of journaling, running out to the lounge to find them sleepily cozying over a laptop and then talking with them for a good 30 minutes before going back to find mattheus sleeping. I was really excited. Adrian was really excited. Nancy is gorgeous and calm. And mattheus loved them, too, recognizing them independently of me AND location, while hew as with mami at the tennis courts.
11. talking wtih my bro-in-law poolside after mariko, mami, and papa went to the beach rushedly on the last day there. its not what we talked about that was particularly noteworthy, but the fact that it was just marc without mariko. I had gotten mariko wtihout marc, and now i got marc wtihout mariko. Its a different vibe, not better or worse, but just different.
12. ohh getting a massage with mariko was most fantastic.
13. playing with the two sisters 8 and 7 from new jersey was nice, and playing tennis barefoot with my mami was alright. archery was interesting, and rifle shooting was silly. scuba diving was nice, but the boat ride was nausea inducing. the dive-guide Fidel was really pretty and from argentina. I met a few pretty guys from argentina. Is that a thing?
14. Impressing the two arabic-looking little german girls with my sudden german was fun.
Wait, am i writing a novel or a blogpost????
I gotta end this very soon.
I think i'm word vomiting all over the internet because of my self-imposed No Writing rule during vacation. I did that because i knew my quality was suffering, and i returned from the trip with a commitment to write childrnes books and stories when i'm able and mattheus is willing to cooperate somehow.
I must start with continuing to practice my drawing skills, which is over half of the creative work of childrens book, but totally achievable.
Less writing, more drawing. resolution 2013.
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