Sleeping with a baby has changed the manner in which i dream. Firstly, he wakes me up right as i begin to dream, pretty regularly. So i remember my first dream. Last night my first glimpse into my dream was my friend Big Johns leg was amputated up to his knee and he had a red cataract in his eye, and he was grumpy as always. But this time i finally felt like he deserved to be grumpy whereas usually i'm trying to encourage him to say "I GET to walk mitzy today" instead of "i have to walk mitzy today."
Anyway, besides that specific dream, i also wake up right before my babys late night feeding. our cycles must be harmonized in some way because after i wake up its usually within a few minutes he wakse up to be fed. So in the middle of the night I recall my dreams. They're... not fragmented... but... they run in chapters. Sequels.
Most dreams are insignificant and recycling material from the days past. And i forget those. But i do remember the places and people that i saw whom i enjoyed seeing in my dreams, and i also remember releveant i nformation.
Dreams are so much fun. Its a shame that so many people ignore them.
Monday 20 December 2010
I want real psychic abilities
I have had occasional psychic insights, but i'm not psychic all the time. I'm lying here next to my 5 month old and he's asleep, and i see that his consciousness is at work. dreamtime is technically the most accessible psychic realm, in my opinion. So the first thing i have to do is... i have to really believe that its actually possible. Sure, i say that i believe in the psychic realm, but if i really believed in it, wouldn't i be more actively pursuing contact with it!?
What should i do to be more active? Meditate more... But not in the way i meditate now, which is Qi Gong, and moving energy around. Thats one form of meditation which is getting me in touch with my meridian circuits, becoming more able to feel them flowing and clogging and flowing again. A psychic meditation would probably consist of... third eye meditations... getting in touch with the cosmic realm of all that is, and the oneness... The time and place where all is known.
Ok. Done. I'm going to begin activating in that direction now. In this way, i'll begin to really believe that its possible and hopefully start to experience it.
What should i do to be more active? Meditate more... But not in the way i meditate now, which is Qi Gong, and moving energy around. Thats one form of meditation which is getting me in touch with my meridian circuits, becoming more able to feel them flowing and clogging and flowing again. A psychic meditation would probably consist of... third eye meditations... getting in touch with the cosmic realm of all that is, and the oneness... The time and place where all is known.
Ok. Done. I'm going to begin activating in that direction now. In this way, i'll begin to really believe that its possible and hopefully start to experience it.
Sunday 24 October 2010
fall 2010
Hi. its been a year since starting this blog. i've learned a lot, it seems, and the posts from last summer seem immature. I hope ti say the same thing about this post next year.
What have i learned?
*sigh*
1. There is undeniably (for myself) more to consciousness than i was aware of. I have yet to (re?)experience the absolute
2. i project my thoughts and feelings onto the world, yet i am not these thoughts or feelings. i am the awareness with which i observe my thoughts and feelings. i have been practicing becoming a master of them for almost one year now, and its a difficult but exciting journey and i can see the progress in my head talk... yet still looking forward to more.
3. magic is real, so don't be afraid to dream the unimagined. Fear of unfulfillment is no reason to not dream big. Dream for the sake of dreaming and work for the sake of working... and not for the fruits thereof.
4. babies are kinda cool!! signs and gestures, psychic empathy, and watching new discoveries being made... holding a tiny hand while breastfeeding, while he makes little tired noises...Love itself and the things i love are two sides of the same coin. impermanence does not hurt.
What is not quite true yet but which i intend to be true soon:
-I am patient for the future and am completely present, savoring each moment and exploring this moments experience.
-i recognize and accept my own humanity and that of others. everything is perfect all of the time.
-i dont ruminate on the past or project undesirables onto the future.
What have i learned?
*sigh*
1. There is undeniably (for myself) more to consciousness than i was aware of. I have yet to (re?)experience the absolute
2. i project my thoughts and feelings onto the world, yet i am not these thoughts or feelings. i am the awareness with which i observe my thoughts and feelings. i have been practicing becoming a master of them for almost one year now, and its a difficult but exciting journey and i can see the progress in my head talk... yet still looking forward to more.
3. magic is real, so don't be afraid to dream the unimagined. Fear of unfulfillment is no reason to not dream big. Dream for the sake of dreaming and work for the sake of working... and not for the fruits thereof.
4. babies are kinda cool!! signs and gestures, psychic empathy, and watching new discoveries being made... holding a tiny hand while breastfeeding, while he makes little tired noises...Love itself and the things i love are two sides of the same coin. impermanence does not hurt.
What is not quite true yet but which i intend to be true soon:
-I am patient for the future and am completely present, savoring each moment and exploring this moments experience.
-i recognize and accept my own humanity and that of others. everything is perfect all of the time.
-i dont ruminate on the past or project undesirables onto the future.
Sunday 10 October 2010
Beyond awakening
The following is written by Terry Patten in her blog and i'm reposting it here for future reference as well as for others:
Ken Wilber suggested that we now may be approaching a “tipping point” that could bring about an unprecedented new Integral Age. Andrew Cohen explained why his own work focuses not on individual but collective enlightenment.
It could be an amazing shift (after all, many of us are sensing that the next Buddha needs to be a Sangha) and we long for spiritually-fulfilling community.
But we don’t want to go back to the collective tyrannies of old, which held back individuals from pioneering at the leading edge.
What we’re wanting is something that is just now beginning to emerge — a dynamic shared field of awakened awareness that connects us to other caring spiritual practitioners. We’re looking for a connectedness that can inspire our best, that can draw us forward, beyond weariness or discouragement or just the difficulties of our lives — a way to live as a stand for one another’s growth and health and even greatness. So that we can really do it — really be the beginning of a healthy adaptive response of human beings to this time of crisis—to actually co-create the transformation of human culture.
So a couple of “Big Questions” obviously emerge: What exactly can we do, directly and purposefully (on our own or with others) to manifest this new awakened culture? How exactly can we begin to be empowered by its benefits in our own lives?
This requires a new relationship to power, as Claire Zammit put it — a “feminine power” (even within men, perhaps!) that comes out of making a choice from a very tender place within us.
And it suggests a co-creative partnership between men and women —a truly new kind of mutual empowerment that many of us need, and long for.
How do we (as men or as women) evolve our ways of relating to men and to women so that we can become powerful co-creative partners, who break through the old patterns to something much more potent, liberating, generative—and fun?
We have some sense about this, and we’re following that inspiration but the truth is we honestly don’t yet know exactly how to do it.
One of the secrets of spiritual life is to live with our big questions fiercely, to keep asking them with the sincere expectation that our ferocity will help cause them to yield, to take to heart that we need better answers, or more details than we have now, and to be a stand for the emergence of those new possibilities.
This requires metaphysical courage. It means never giving up, but instead living in the creative urgency that better answers emerge.
A practice I find myself doing a lot these days, as I hold these big questions even more explicitly, is that I am breathing and feeling into these questions. I’m feeling the “gap” between the state of the answers I currently understand and the much better answers I know we need. And I’m finding myself invigorated by my discomfort. I’m feeling a fire of aliveness within myself as I discover, more and more deeply, that I am becoming, authentically, a real stand for the emergence of better answers to those questions, the emergence of a real awakened culture.
A key to that has been a continuing deepening of my way of relating to the discomfort I feel. These last few weeks have been among the busiest of my life, and at times, I’ve felt like I needed a break that, well, there just wasn’t time for. I’ve had to relax quickly and deeply, but also I’ve had to discover that I can be energized by a different power source altogether. And that power source has been, at least in part, sourced out of my experience of discomfort—the creative burn at my own evolving edge!
And I know I’m not alone. We’re all in this crazy, beautiful, churning world together. And we’re all striving, each our own unique, yet interdependent ways, to light up a brighter future.
So, I want to say “Thank You” for participating in this rich inquiry!
Ken Wilber suggested that we now may be approaching a “tipping point” that could bring about an unprecedented new Integral Age. Andrew Cohen explained why his own work focuses not on individual but collective enlightenment.
It could be an amazing shift (after all, many of us are sensing that the next Buddha needs to be a Sangha) and we long for spiritually-fulfilling community.
But we don’t want to go back to the collective tyrannies of old, which held back individuals from pioneering at the leading edge.
What we’re wanting is something that is just now beginning to emerge — a dynamic shared field of awakened awareness that connects us to other caring spiritual practitioners. We’re looking for a connectedness that can inspire our best, that can draw us forward, beyond weariness or discouragement or just the difficulties of our lives — a way to live as a stand for one another’s growth and health and even greatness. So that we can really do it — really be the beginning of a healthy adaptive response of human beings to this time of crisis—to actually co-create the transformation of human culture.
So a couple of “Big Questions” obviously emerge: What exactly can we do, directly and purposefully (on our own or with others) to manifest this new awakened culture? How exactly can we begin to be empowered by its benefits in our own lives?
This requires a new relationship to power, as Claire Zammit put it — a “feminine power” (even within men, perhaps!) that comes out of making a choice from a very tender place within us.
And it suggests a co-creative partnership between men and women —a truly new kind of mutual empowerment that many of us need, and long for.
How do we (as men or as women) evolve our ways of relating to men and to women so that we can become powerful co-creative partners, who break through the old patterns to something much more potent, liberating, generative—and fun?
We have some sense about this, and we’re following that inspiration but the truth is we honestly don’t yet know exactly how to do it.
One of the secrets of spiritual life is to live with our big questions fiercely, to keep asking them with the sincere expectation that our ferocity will help cause them to yield, to take to heart that we need better answers, or more details than we have now, and to be a stand for the emergence of those new possibilities.
This requires metaphysical courage. It means never giving up, but instead living in the creative urgency that better answers emerge.
A practice I find myself doing a lot these days, as I hold these big questions even more explicitly, is that I am breathing and feeling into these questions. I’m feeling the “gap” between the state of the answers I currently understand and the much better answers I know we need. And I’m finding myself invigorated by my discomfort. I’m feeling a fire of aliveness within myself as I discover, more and more deeply, that I am becoming, authentically, a real stand for the emergence of better answers to those questions, the emergence of a real awakened culture.
A key to that has been a continuing deepening of my way of relating to the discomfort I feel. These last few weeks have been among the busiest of my life, and at times, I’ve felt like I needed a break that, well, there just wasn’t time for. I’ve had to relax quickly and deeply, but also I’ve had to discover that I can be energized by a different power source altogether. And that power source has been, at least in part, sourced out of my experience of discomfort—the creative burn at my own evolving edge!
And I know I’m not alone. We’re all in this crazy, beautiful, churning world together. And we’re all striving, each our own unique, yet interdependent ways, to light up a brighter future.
So, I want to say “Thank You” for participating in this rich inquiry!
Tuesday 13 July 2010
summer 2010
There's something happening with the positioning of the planets during this time which is creating to interesting energetics. I mean, I'm still in the experimental phase of my practical application of astrology, but nevertheless it certainly does not hurt to set intentions! I can't imagine that we're NOT affected by the planets around us on an energetic level, so logically it makes sense, though much quackery is bound to partner up with something as vague as the specific effects of planets. I certainly feel the strength of the moon as it waxes and wanes, and I observe the difference in others. And I certainly believe that alignments create an energetically interesting vortex/flow, and i'm certainly looking forward to the galactic alignment in december of 2012! If the big planetary alignments and crossings feel worth paying attention to, perhaps the smaller ones also have an affect.
I don't feel like researching the specifics about the current alignment. I had already researched it a few months ago, as the time-frame for the grand cross (july 11th to august 5th) hugs my due date so perfectly and seemed.... 'auspicious.' the word auspicious used to mean 'favorable' but in the verbally uneducated new-age circles of san francisco, 'auspicious' has come to mean 'synchronistic.' I realized that being flexible with word-usage will cause me less frustration with the ambiguity and vagueness with which many people use words. I myself have been guilty as well, and my frustration at others for their lax approach to word usage is just a projection at my own insecurity about my intelligence/vocabulary! This is something i learned about myself in the last week and its been super interesting because i never thought it was an issue for me, but alas, it is and i am now transmuting it and reprogramming it.
So, that was a good ramble.. (its very early in the morning, and i'm awake because i tend to wake up dehydrated around this time, and after drinking a lot of water, my baby wakes up and starts kicking around for a while... seems he's calmed down now.) Em... where was i? Intention setting (after justifying why, followed by a contextual ramble...)
I am flexible about the time-frame about the following intention, and am open to having it manifest in whatever form most serves me. I can feel the feeling and situation that I wish to manifest, and look forward to its fruition :) I want to live in a community: A close, comfortable community. I want to be surrounded by the natural world and be living a tangibly productive life, growing food, building structures, maybe organizing programs/workshops/internal software structures for the community/etc. I want my child to have friends to run around with safely, to activate his imagination within the natural world, without the human-created dangers of the city. I want to be worry-free as to his whereabouts and whatabouts, so that he may exercise his freedom and grow intelligently and naturally. I want to feel connected to the people i live and work wtih. I want to be a positive contributor to the community, adding my personal strengths to the strength of the community.
I am willing to wait 5 years for this dream to manifest. I am still young, just about to turn 23, and haven't quite figured out what my strengths are and how I would best be of service to a community. But the strength with which I feel this dream makes it valuable as an Intention. I can't really imagine any other lifestyle for myself or my child. In the next 5 years or so, i intend upon finding and nourishing my strengths, and set myself upon Mastery of a skill which will stay with me for the rest of my life and serve me as a form of currency. Perhaps it will be acupuncture, or perhaps i'll find something else.
I'd also like to invite into my life organized minds. I have often wished that my mind was administrative and well-planned (probably because my mom filled that role very well) but i have never been able to become that way, and I'm beginning to feel as if that may be a characteristic that i'd like to attract in a future-partner so that i wont have to worry about that. Or maybe a close friend, such as a housemate, who would push and motivate me to remain on task and seeking out all the necessary information and whatnot. I have never been thorough with research, and appreciate that my mum and dad were always incredibly thorough.
i'd like to invite in less seriousness and more fun. I think this is inevitable, but i'd like to set the intention now that I may not follow the mold of the serious parents that have been modeling for me through this life. I'd like to approach and experiece motherhood as a joy, a playful game, and a wondrous adventure. I release anxiety about Okayness and accept that we're okay and will continue to be okay (thank you, universe; Thank you, love.)
And now, for a less self-centered intention, i offer my constant self-help, self-modification/evolution to humanity, that the dreams of human cooperation and evolution to a loving species is realized.... and thaht the end of unchecked greed and fear-based motivations becomes a global awakening, starting at the grassroots, at the personal roots, at the work that i and people around me are doing on themselves and their own stories. (thank you, self-conscious individuals of the world!)
I feel my picture is complete. And now i'm hungry so i'm gonna go feed my baby :) oh~~ i can't wait to meet you, boy.
I don't feel like researching the specifics about the current alignment. I had already researched it a few months ago, as the time-frame for the grand cross (july 11th to august 5th) hugs my due date so perfectly and seemed.... 'auspicious.' the word auspicious used to mean 'favorable' but in the verbally uneducated new-age circles of san francisco, 'auspicious' has come to mean 'synchronistic.' I realized that being flexible with word-usage will cause me less frustration with the ambiguity and vagueness with which many people use words. I myself have been guilty as well, and my frustration at others for their lax approach to word usage is just a projection at my own insecurity about my intelligence/vocabulary! This is something i learned about myself in the last week and its been super interesting because i never thought it was an issue for me, but alas, it is and i am now transmuting it and reprogramming it.
So, that was a good ramble.. (its very early in the morning, and i'm awake because i tend to wake up dehydrated around this time, and after drinking a lot of water, my baby wakes up and starts kicking around for a while... seems he's calmed down now.) Em... where was i? Intention setting (after justifying why, followed by a contextual ramble...)
I am flexible about the time-frame about the following intention, and am open to having it manifest in whatever form most serves me. I can feel the feeling and situation that I wish to manifest, and look forward to its fruition :) I want to live in a community: A close, comfortable community. I want to be surrounded by the natural world and be living a tangibly productive life, growing food, building structures, maybe organizing programs/workshops/internal software structures for the community/etc. I want my child to have friends to run around with safely, to activate his imagination within the natural world, without the human-created dangers of the city. I want to be worry-free as to his whereabouts and whatabouts, so that he may exercise his freedom and grow intelligently and naturally. I want to feel connected to the people i live and work wtih. I want to be a positive contributor to the community, adding my personal strengths to the strength of the community.
I am willing to wait 5 years for this dream to manifest. I am still young, just about to turn 23, and haven't quite figured out what my strengths are and how I would best be of service to a community. But the strength with which I feel this dream makes it valuable as an Intention. I can't really imagine any other lifestyle for myself or my child. In the next 5 years or so, i intend upon finding and nourishing my strengths, and set myself upon Mastery of a skill which will stay with me for the rest of my life and serve me as a form of currency. Perhaps it will be acupuncture, or perhaps i'll find something else.
I'd also like to invite into my life organized minds. I have often wished that my mind was administrative and well-planned (probably because my mom filled that role very well) but i have never been able to become that way, and I'm beginning to feel as if that may be a characteristic that i'd like to attract in a future-partner so that i wont have to worry about that. Or maybe a close friend, such as a housemate, who would push and motivate me to remain on task and seeking out all the necessary information and whatnot. I have never been thorough with research, and appreciate that my mum and dad were always incredibly thorough.
i'd like to invite in less seriousness and more fun. I think this is inevitable, but i'd like to set the intention now that I may not follow the mold of the serious parents that have been modeling for me through this life. I'd like to approach and experiece motherhood as a joy, a playful game, and a wondrous adventure. I release anxiety about Okayness and accept that we're okay and will continue to be okay (thank you, universe; Thank you, love.)
And now, for a less self-centered intention, i offer my constant self-help, self-modification/evolution to humanity, that the dreams of human cooperation and evolution to a loving species is realized.... and thaht the end of unchecked greed and fear-based motivations becomes a global awakening, starting at the grassroots, at the personal roots, at the work that i and people around me are doing on themselves and their own stories. (thank you, self-conscious individuals of the world!)
I feel my picture is complete. And now i'm hungry so i'm gonna go feed my baby :) oh~~ i can't wait to meet you, boy.
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