What i'd say to the alcoholic parent

You were born full of potential. This is where you are now, as you are sitting here. You may hate what you've become, and certainly many events have contributed to this result right here. But you're not dead yet. You most certainly will die, but the potential contained in your baby-body is still within you.

You've had dreams, and then you've been discouraged. For some reason, you didn't become obsessed with the dream strongly enough as to possess you to work diligently forever until you achieved it. You became deflated and forgot about your dream. The precise timing which would have activated those past dreams may be past and gone now. (Let go, life contains suffering :) HOEWVER! You can still re-learn the capacity to dream. However many years you have left, you can still achieve something.  You had stopped dreaming because "what's the point?" But here it is: The point is that you're going to die, and you're going to have lived... And what you leave behind in the world is still completely up to you. Buck up!!! Your legacy is at stake. How you are remembered is at stake, and much bigger than that, the pleasant moments will have been missed if you don't buck up.  There is still time for growth. You can still learn how to reach out your hand and touch the hand or the shoulder of another. You can still inspire if you do buck up. And if you don't, the legacy you leave behind will be clouded iwth negativity. You would miss the laughter you could laugh, the wisdom you could share, the stories you could tell, the service you could give back for all the opportunity you've been given but have been too imperfect to appreciate.

Build some courage within yourself. Convince yourself of your own self-worth. Think of a good life and what that would look like for you, and start making baby steps towards it and never fucking give up. Please!

Easter and Spring

In the Fall i wrote about thanksgiving, halloween, and christmas. I wondered if that would be all the holidays my son and i would begin celebrating in our own ways, but today i had a revelation. Easter has come and gone. I saw easter paraphernalia in CVS and some neighbors had brown rabbits on by their entrance. Some younger folks were going to california for the 'easter bowl,' my favorite tennis tournament in my teens.



I was feeling cold and felt i needed to thaw out, so my son got in the carriage and i went for a walk/run to the playground. I passed the evangelical or episcopal or presbyterian church that is on my road and we stopped at the playground there. After frollicking to our hearts delight, my son wanted to go into the church. There's a playgroup we attend there so he thought maybe there'd be a room full of children. It was empty, but we walked deeper into the church and into the presbyterian section of the church. There's a synagogue too, which recently celebrated Passover (which is also relevant to this idea i'm working out right here.)



I opened the heavy wooden doors and was greeted by beautiful stained glass windows and a huge organ in the front. There was a cross, but nothing too horrific was depicted. I walked to the front automatically becoming a little reverent. I noticed a writing on the wall that said "I am resurrection, I am life. Those who believe in [ressurection and life] shall live, even if they die." or something along those lines.


The pastor of the church takes jesus christ literally in everything he says, rather than poetically which i think is a misunderstanding of astronomical consequences. When i asked pastor david for his explanation of jesus saying "i am the son of god" and saying "we are all children of god" and the pastor said "Yes, we are all children of god, but jesus is MORE special." Right.

Well "I am resurrection, I am life," that, to me, conveys SPRING!!! The winter is over, the death is resurrected. And in my experience, I have noticed that even that which decays will give birth to growth once more. Here's a video of decaying vegetables and the parallel sprouting of a potato to illustrate my point. It is only logical that we could consider our own death as a gift to the earth from which we will become compost. These days we don't embrace death so much. We embalm corpses and put them in tank-coffins and hope the earth won't touch us. That'll change eventually, but its worth mentioning it, in case you haven't thought of it. It reminds me of the woman creating a mushroom burial suit filled with spores of fungi that will most effectively detoxify her body and eat her up. Besides incineration, there aren't that many environmental options for properly disposing of our bodies. My grandmothers corpse comes pretty close. Her ashes were put into a cement coral reef and sunk off the coast of Florida and fishes will begin to live in it. People are thinking of these things. I like the mushroom suit :) and no coffin.

But EASTER! Yes, springtime is wonderful. but how shall i celebrate it!? Passover is also a celebration of spring. Wikipedia says that to ensure that passover did not happen before spring, they would wait until the barley ripened as a gauge. For a few centuries it has been a mathematically fixed date, however, so even if the barley is not ripe, jews get together and eat unleavened bread. This tidbit of information will inspire me to plant barley in the fall and watch it ripen in the spring.

But what will i do for a spring celebration? I love the festival of colors originating in India where powdered colors are thrown at each other and into the air. That is messy though. I definitely want to do it someday. THey're even doin it in UTAH!

In japan and dc they have a cherry blossom festival. I do like that, actually. That resonates well with me.
Not because its so japanese, but because when you gather the fallen petals in your hand and throw them up in the air, they flutter like confetti all around you and it feels so celebratory. Maybe i can take that idea and make it bigger, like bring bucket loads of fallen petals and have a grand parade honoring the flowers of spring or something. Hmmm...



But the nice thing about rituals is that it marks the year.

I guess so do pictures, and i definitely take much more pictures in the spring and summer.

Lent. I have always liked the concept of Ramadan, fasting, and lent. As a ritual, it is a very good one! Before the spring officially arrives, just as the days begin getting longer, we hold off on indulging in all the excess and get down to the basics. Praying, almsgiving, fasting, I like all of that and then spring (easter) is the big reward after 40 days of delaying gratification. Recently i realized the wonders of delaying gratification, and really would appreciate the practice of expanding my capacity to delay gratification.

Lent rocks! Okay. Next year i shall remember to do this as the days lengthen :) Its too late now! Spring already sprung.

;)

Amazing breakthrough's!!

When raising a child we notice the jumps in consciousness the child makes. Its wonderful when we experience it for ourselves.

At what point do we get slower with making progress? Some of these humans probably rarely slow down! I aspire to be one of them.

I have lately been learning about discipline. I have been an impulsive person since adolescence, and have become weak to instant gratification. Today I have learned the benefits of delaying gratification.

Indeed, it is the only decent way to live. The pleasure is immense, and the rewards are so great!!!

What an exciting discovery :)

with some discipline, some problems can be solved. With total discipline, all problems can be solved.

More on this later.

Thinking us into peace

I've been listening to too much news (the horrific kind) and reading 'a peoples history of the united states' and so to counteract the negativity, i went to an empty church hall and talked out loud.

I usually avoid news sources, but occasionally i feel like i'm ignoring bad news, so i delve into it. It leaves me feeling awful, so i soon go back to my way of being happy and content by visualizing the perfect world and taking steps to helping actualize that world. I've already made it clear in previous posts how i try to do that, i think.

But today i asked, what am i supposed to do with this information? When i get my news from facebook, i have gotten it to a point where i only receive updates on ecovillages, articles on green movements, and obama singing sweet home chicago. When listening to the news on the radio or tv i hear about two year olds getting shot, an ex boyfriend strangling girlfriend at uva, and the death count in libya. And i wondered, is this a flaw in the characteristics of humanity? My inability to be moved to action to rectify something so far away? My concern and mission revolves around the people i interact with, and my aspirations are to do what i love and bring joy and helpfulness to others around me. And i won't travel to libya.

So how can i help? My theory is that if people were content and happy there'd be no fighting for power or resources. Naive and simplistic, perhaps, but I can't afford the mental resources to dig deeper than that. So with that in mind, one thing i can do is to start an awareness campaign on how to be content and happy. Its not that difficult to practice, yet it seems many people don't practice it... A lot of people are unhappy. I rarely see happy people. Then again, i'm on the east coast on the outskirts of dc. People get happier when you go west, because for some reason they practice contentment. Its a practice, and i haven't completely mastered it, but here's what it is (so far, in a nutshelll)

1. At least once a day, make it a habit to think about things you are grateful for, or things you ought to feel grateful for.
2. Move and exercise
3. Eat healthful foods. This will make you love your body and eventually give you real energy and you won't rely on coffee. You'll also get sick less.
4. cultivate friendships and maintain connections. If you keep showing up regularly, its bound to happen.

As for cultivating a world of peace, there are certain outlooks that if you cultivate, will naturally expand to the rest of humanity. If you disagree with any of the following statements, then your belief is contributing to wars around the world.

1. Humans share common needs, desires, and capacity for creativity.
2. There is enough for everyone (therefore, i have enough and can afford to give more)
3. a fulfilling life for me can be helpful and beneficial to others and does not need to be competitive
4. I do not have to suffer to be helpful. I can be using my strengths and talents to do what i love, and it is contributing to the well being of others.
5. If humans have food, shelter, connection, a beautiful environment, and time for creative pursuits, that is sufficient for happiness. An accumulation of wealth has not shown itself to be satisfactory.

These are all thoughts that contribute to peacefulness. Even if you have issues with the statements, you can agree that its a nice reality to live in. We choose the reality we live in every moment. Most of those choices are habitual, but we can always decide to change the way we experience reality.

So thats my contribution to the attainment of peace

"Its about time"

Have you ever read something 'innovative' and thought, "well, its about time. I can't believe this hasn't done yet!" Well, I've had a lot of those moments in the last few years, but I just had a revelation while reading this article on conservation. In the article there is mention of an attitude in conservation in africa that has existed where "officials evict locals to create parks, which deprives them of their livelihood, as herding livestock, farming and hunting require land on which to do so. This sends the message that the government and international conservation community value wildlife more than people, naturally breeding resentment towards conservation." That old thought "its about time" suggested itself into my mind, but instead, a revelation about the thought itself occurred to me...

Actions move slower through time than our thoughts do. When undesirable actions become a trend in humanity, and a more intelligent, co-operative thoughtform reacts against it, it may take years for it to manifest as a new way of doing something.

Patience and trust is key. Thinking about my own personal life and how difficult it seems to accomplish outwardly tasks, its not such a stretch to see how slow-moving the rest of humanity could be. The "its about time" scoffing is a reflection of my contempt for my own slow pace in achieving the dreams that are important to me.

In other spiritual news, Eka Joti of the league of visionary awesomeness reminded me of the chakra charging exercises that will accelerate manifestation. He, himself, has manifested a website, videos, protocols, and clients, in the two years that i've known him. I'm inspired and impressed.

Also, community acupuncture has caught on in my own local hood.

Speaking of inspiration and impression, conversations are taking place about awakening and spiritual practices and how our inner shift is reflecting the external shift. Terry Patten is hosting calls with visionaries, scientists, psychologists, yogis, and philosophers.

And flowers are sprouting up in cracks in the pavement and medicine grows freely on green lawns across the country. Hooray! The future is coming!

Thanksgiving

I am saying grinchy things on Facebook, and it's because my FRIENDS are participating in the hype of black Friday. Thanksgiving is okay, minus the turkey massacre and obligatory gluttony. It's still okay because family travels to be together, reunited and keeping bonds together that otherwise would frill away with time and distance.

But black Friday is a recent phenomenon on my radar and it's disgusting. I am not often repulsed like this and it shows me where I need to work some acceptance and compassion into my being, but, but, but...

Let's pretend everything is fine and keep shopping. Let's pretend everyone has a job and the world is fed and that the worlds resources are going to last forever and there aren't any lifestyle changes to be made. Let's stick to tradition even though we don't even really enjoy the taste of turkey in relation to how many hours it takes to prepare it!

Okay. Outrage exorcized.

I am finding myself in a moment of disbelief, similar to my Halloween revelations. I live my daily life struggling towards integrity. I don't watch tv much so I'm not tuned into the state of the world. But when reality of society and the zeitgeist we are in become revealed to me through the trickles of media that I am exposed to, I enter into a state of temporary shock and fear at what this planets inhabitants have become. The dominating species has become a bubbling murmuring mumbling drone of collective shufflers shuffling resources back and forth in a mechanized hurdling forth, like a destructive force with only sparks of light and creativity popping up beneath the asphalt of civilIzation.

Let's turn our attention now to that spark and lift of creativity and envision it catching on. Let's pay attention to the demonstrating protesters occupying the world steadily, and the various innovations that lead to easier, more efficient output of creativity, with more sharing and more access to helpful information, and the increased abundance and life expectancy and whatnot... And let's contrast it to the simultaneous increase in anxiety obesity depression suicide and incarceration. Then, without wanting to go further into the darkness again I am going to pull my hope strings to lift the future into view.

Perhaps an easy transition, or perhaps instigated by a catastrophe. Perhaps the weather destroys us, and we are surprised at the strength of mother natures wrath, but inevitably, the dinosaur bones are used up and no longer fuel our colectively obsessively consumptive lifestyles. Sure, smart And dedicated people have invented technology that allows us to keep using the Internet and have personal transportation, but everything looks different. Zombies aren't driving to work on a freeway packed with cars. Refrigerated trucks aren't hauling packaged foods to supermarkets with fluorescent, awful lighting and plastic Christmas decorations. No, it looks rathe different in this future vision of mine.

Neighbors obviously know each other and occasionally depend on each other for something like childcare or companionship. Catholic neighbors hang out with their hippie neighbors and find commonality in their children, their hopes, and dreams. Food is grown locally and work doesn't involve commuting, nor does it involve menial tasks in abstracted reality, but are mostly the workings of a slow, daily life. The hustle and bussle of our current reality is transferred to a hustle to provide for the rest of humanity, the poor folks under tyrannical rule in relatively far away countries, but because of technological advances, the other side of the planet is a hop, skip and a jump away. A three day journey used to get Jefferson across the state of Virginia. We can get to bumfuck china these days!)

So there. My time is up