a moment

Inspired by a greater spirit... that's the feeling that i've been feeling deprived of. And i wouldn't feel deprived of it, had i never experienced it before. But in that moment, when time is revealed to be an illusion and the space between i and i becomes only an imagined separation it is ecstacy.

(watch Elizabeth Gilbert's amazing talk on creativity on Ted.com)Those moments are amazing, and I thankfully experienced it last night. It was, once again, in a drum circle. It sounds incredibly hippyish and i'm sorta embarrassed but music is such an effective means for me to reach that state. people drumming, making music in time, emotion and rhythm, fluctuating together in an abstract understanding of what was going on...

That same night I was talking to this guy who on the surface seemed incredibly unmotivated and without passion, but when talking him realized the depth and synchronicity was uncanny. It's strange when you meet somebody whom you don't think you will understand, but then they say things that YOU know, but you didn't know THEY knew... And nothing overt, but just in a i-see-the-world-like-this-too sort of way.

It always shocks me when that happens. There are certain sentiments that I hold that I don't assume others share. So when others assume that I share a sentiment that I in fact, do, it catches me off guard... it makes me question whether or not I trust people enough to understand me...

It's that feeling when somebody says something that yo'uve briefly thought about once... A thought that did not quite make it to consciousness, but then somebody else elaborates it FOR you. and it's like "ohhh, that's what that feeling I had was."

Why do emotions precede thoughts?

Human connection is the most effective tool, especially combined with music, to get in that spiritual zone...

Here is something i heard today from a friend: Spirituality is a neo-liberal way to make white people feel okay about themselves.

Maybe it's an irrelevant comment, but I felt like I wanted to reflect on that a little bit... I think "neo-liberal" in this context means the politically correct type, where white people feel badly about having historically colonized browner people and so make up for it by rejecting the superficialities of an oppressive religion, yet maintaining the spiritual effects of it...

The "neo-liberal" reminds me of this woman, Annie, who is a stepmother of a guy I know. She is a self-proclaimed yogi, teaches yoga and meditation, lights incense, eats vegetarian, and is quite concerned with harmony. Maybe deep down, it is just a way for her to alleviate white-guilt, but at least she is trying to transcend the filth and grime of human history... Or the wonder of innovation and revolution... Or an okayness with it all...

i was watching Lady Gaga today, and I was so positive that she was kidding, that she was a caricature of the media and pop music and that she was facetiously and successfully trashy in an ironic commentary on the materialism and ego that permeates pop culture. Then i learned she wasn't serious... what does this have to do with spirituality? hm... i'm not sure. there was a connection there but i lost it.

I watched Up today, too, but that's completely irrelevant, but I'd liek to write about that movie specifically. It's right up there with Wall-E in the Pixar/animation/Disney history...

I love that film is a way in which society can work out its anxieties and desires. It lets me know where we're at in the historical timeline of human events. God is at work in all of this, even the filth and grime.

I'm just incredibly tired. its 3am. i really should sleep. The point: THere was a spiritually successful drum circle.