"Its about time"

Have you ever read something 'innovative' and thought, "well, its about time. I can't believe this hasn't done yet!" Well, I've had a lot of those moments in the last few years, but I just had a revelation while reading this article on conservation. In the article there is mention of an attitude in conservation in africa that has existed where "officials evict locals to create parks, which deprives them of their livelihood, as herding livestock, farming and hunting require land on which to do so. This sends the message that the government and international conservation community value wildlife more than people, naturally breeding resentment towards conservation." That old thought "its about time" suggested itself into my mind, but instead, a revelation about the thought itself occurred to me...

Actions move slower through time than our thoughts do. When undesirable actions become a trend in humanity, and a more intelligent, co-operative thoughtform reacts against it, it may take years for it to manifest as a new way of doing something.

Patience and trust is key. Thinking about my own personal life and how difficult it seems to accomplish outwardly tasks, its not such a stretch to see how slow-moving the rest of humanity could be. The "its about time" scoffing is a reflection of my contempt for my own slow pace in achieving the dreams that are important to me.

In other spiritual news, Eka Joti of the league of visionary awesomeness reminded me of the chakra charging exercises that will accelerate manifestation. He, himself, has manifested a website, videos, protocols, and clients, in the two years that i've known him. I'm inspired and impressed.

Also, community acupuncture has caught on in my own local hood.

Speaking of inspiration and impression, conversations are taking place about awakening and spiritual practices and how our inner shift is reflecting the external shift. Terry Patten is hosting calls with visionaries, scientists, psychologists, yogis, and philosophers.

And flowers are sprouting up in cracks in the pavement and medicine grows freely on green lawns across the country. Hooray! The future is coming!

Thanksgiving

I am saying grinchy things on Facebook, and it's because my FRIENDS are participating in the hype of black Friday. Thanksgiving is okay, minus the turkey massacre and obligatory gluttony. It's still okay because family travels to be together, reunited and keeping bonds together that otherwise would frill away with time and distance.

But black Friday is a recent phenomenon on my radar and it's disgusting. I am not often repulsed like this and it shows me where I need to work some acceptance and compassion into my being, but, but, but...

Let's pretend everything is fine and keep shopping. Let's pretend everyone has a job and the world is fed and that the worlds resources are going to last forever and there aren't any lifestyle changes to be made. Let's stick to tradition even though we don't even really enjoy the taste of turkey in relation to how many hours it takes to prepare it!

Okay. Outrage exorcized.

I am finding myself in a moment of disbelief, similar to my Halloween revelations. I live my daily life struggling towards integrity. I don't watch tv much so I'm not tuned into the state of the world. But when reality of society and the zeitgeist we are in become revealed to me through the trickles of media that I am exposed to, I enter into a state of temporary shock and fear at what this planets inhabitants have become. The dominating species has become a bubbling murmuring mumbling drone of collective shufflers shuffling resources back and forth in a mechanized hurdling forth, like a destructive force with only sparks of light and creativity popping up beneath the asphalt of civilIzation.

Let's turn our attention now to that spark and lift of creativity and envision it catching on. Let's pay attention to the demonstrating protesters occupying the world steadily, and the various innovations that lead to easier, more efficient output of creativity, with more sharing and more access to helpful information, and the increased abundance and life expectancy and whatnot... And let's contrast it to the simultaneous increase in anxiety obesity depression suicide and incarceration. Then, without wanting to go further into the darkness again I am going to pull my hope strings to lift the future into view.

Perhaps an easy transition, or perhaps instigated by a catastrophe. Perhaps the weather destroys us, and we are surprised at the strength of mother natures wrath, but inevitably, the dinosaur bones are used up and no longer fuel our colectively obsessively consumptive lifestyles. Sure, smart And dedicated people have invented technology that allows us to keep using the Internet and have personal transportation, but everything looks different. Zombies aren't driving to work on a freeway packed with cars. Refrigerated trucks aren't hauling packaged foods to supermarkets with fluorescent, awful lighting and plastic Christmas decorations. No, it looks rathe different in this future vision of mine.

Neighbors obviously know each other and occasionally depend on each other for something like childcare or companionship. Catholic neighbors hang out with their hippie neighbors and find commonality in their children, their hopes, and dreams. Food is grown locally and work doesn't involve commuting, nor does it involve menial tasks in abstracted reality, but are mostly the workings of a slow, daily life. The hustle and bussle of our current reality is transferred to a hustle to provide for the rest of humanity, the poor folks under tyrannical rule in relatively far away countries, but because of technological advances, the other side of the planet is a hop, skip and a jump away. A three day journey used to get Jefferson across the state of Virginia. We can get to bumfuck china these days!)

So there. My time is up

Ideal Hallow's Eve

I'm in the suburbs this year. Stark constrast to last years Reclaiming spiral dance in golden gate park of san francisco with the wiccan community, where i cried and was reborn and rebirthed and integrated into the cycle of life, death and the seasons. The suburban halloween was filled with "gotta go to safeway and buy candy" and an invite to a block party where they serve cider and donuts... Which is nice and all, but missing the point, i'm sure. There were frankensteins hanging from trees, grave stones, and witches who'd flown their broomsticks into roofs. Nice decorations, but still, missing some point...

I talked with a catholic african woman today who was babysitting two blondies, and i really like this woman, despite her archaic language regarding the spirit world. She asked me if i celebrated halloween this year, and i said that my son was asleep from 5 to 7, so i did not, but i mentioned that i love this time of year. I dropped a hint that i was open to discussing this further by mentioning the reason that i love this time of year, being that the veils between the worlds are thin.

She said that halloween focuses on evil things, and so when her children were younger she would dress them as angels instead of skeletons and witches. We talked about darkness and light for a while, but this evening as i envisioned next year's halloween, i came up with further ideas on how to celebrate Better.

Leading up to our doorstep i would like to have a memorial shrine to all our ancestors where visitors can contribute if they would like to commemorate someone who died. I would also like to commemorate those who were born recently. I would commemorate my grandmother who died before my son was born, and i would also commemorate my friends baby who died a month after she was born last november.

I would offer the parents cider and mead, and the children would get oatmeal raisin cookies, or chocolate chip cookies, or cinammon+sugar cookies. Yummy. And i would dress in costume, of course. I'd probably be a witch. I love witch fashion. But i may decide to be a fairy. I like fairy fashion, too.

I hope that by infusing the suburbs with just a little bit of Thought regarding the sacred possibilities of this Time of Year, and commorating the cycles of life and the seasons, that we can move beyond the superficialities of consumer culture that permeats suburbia.

On establishing a Stable Reality!!!

So in my quest for stable reality, i have gotten two useful perspectives to ponder:

First, a Ted converence video of a presentation given by dr eagleman

whereby he advises me to hold multiple perspectives

and secondly, a commencement speech given by somebody somewhere sent to me by an old friend...It points to how the way in which we construct reality is a choice. personal, intentional choice.

I've always known that to be true and thus have always carefully constructed my realities. I've chosen friends based on the reality i wanted to create, and have taken on beliefs about morality based on what i wanted to become.

Both the video and the speech advise me to be open minded. In the speech, the writer suggests that the liberal arts institution teaching you 'how to think' is more about teaching you how to exercise control over how and what you think, of being aware enough to consciously choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience.

So here's my favorite quote: (after suggesting new ways of seeing the banal, via describing how the person in the hummer who cut you off may be rushing to the hospital because his child is injured, or how the woman who yelled at her kid in the checkout aisle is actually the person who helped your spouse in some beaurocratic act of kindness...)

Of course, none of this is likely, but it's also not impossible. It just depends what you want to consider. If you're automatically sure that you know what reality is, and you are operating on your default setting, then you, like me, probably won't consider possibilities that aren't annoying and miserable. But if you really learn how to pay attention, then you will know there are other options. It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down. Not that that mystical stuff is necessarily true. The only thing that's capital-T True is that you get to decide how you're gonna try to see it. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn't. You get to decide what to worship.
Because here's something else that's weird but true: in the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship.




So i have more to say about this, but i am suddenly inspired to give my momma a massage because she deserves it and i need to be of service.

urgent

Quick, somebody, please explain reality to me!

i seem to be a little lost. There was an earthquake on the east coast, and now an impending disastrous hurricane. I was under the impression that the earth was changing rapidly, and that soon would come a tipping point where our mode of existence would transform into a more earth-friendly, sustainable, harmonious lifestyle. I had been focusing on the post-apocalyptic lifestyle, and hadn't thought enough about the transition period.

No, i'm not scared.

ok, i'm a little nervous, but i'm also confused about whether or not all of that is really happening! The future is unknown, otherwise it wouldn't be any fun, but angels, give me a hint!!! i know you already gave me one, but give me another one, please!!

I have felt like i've just been waiting around for all of this to happen. I must be serving some sort of purpose, doing nothing for these past two years and cocooning in a way. I sure hope i can be useful.

Oh yes, i forgot to sleep. i'm going to go do that. erghhh i keep saying that, but when will i get up and go to bed? its only midnight, but doesn't that mean i could technically sleep? Oh yes, the reason i should go to sleep is because in dreamland thats where i get the answers. I really don't appreciate dreams enough. gotta work on that and get more slumbers.

Dear Emerald

"Dear divine Emerald,
I am having conflicting emotions about stepping into my power. I see myself being of great service to people by being a doula, a yoga instructor, a babysitter, and could learn so much from working in a local nursery or CSI. Sometimes i beat myself up about being lazy and selfish. Whats wrong with me!? Sometimes I think to myself (and i’m not sure if its an excuse for inaction) that its okay to Just Be, and that i’m learning how to simply exist without being constantly driven to do things. I’m wondering if this is in reaction to our Doing culture, and my inaction is just a reaction, not a practice that i’m partaking in out of integrity towards an ideal. I also tell myself that it will all happen in due time, but how long will i say that? Until i’m sick of it? What if i die beforehand? last time i brushed hands with death the realization was that i hadn’t done anything, and i don’t want to die having done nothing. I’ve been witnessed! If i die having done nothing i might not be forgiven.
Conflictedly,
Dear"



Well, Dear, perhaps you have been told that you are lazy and selfish by a few people and you have started to believe it. You are comfortable, and don’t need anything. You have all you need. But not all you want. Its okay to want, because that feeling is a self-actualizing motivator towards action. You want to be around people. You want to feel useful. You feel you have a lot to offer and can be helpful to people who could use you and perhaps even need you and your specific combination of skills and strengths!

It is good to simply be, but inaction and being are separate. If you are doing nothing yet distracted and not disciplining your mind towards peace, joy, and quietude, you may as well be hurriedly moving towards distant goals like a capitalist zombie. Whatever you do, do it fully. Be inactive fully, without distraction. If that doesn’t suit you, Do! If “how you do anything is how you do everything,” then how you do Nondoing is how you will do Doing. Practice one-pointedness and mindfulness, even in your nondoing. Don’t be bored, uninspired, or distracted from it. Its much easier said than done, so forgive yourself for your past distractions, and whenever it comes up, forgive yourself and remind yourself that its a practice and you can create good habits in your existence that can lead to integrating the ideals you strive for.

I cannot speak for death because I am sure that whatever i think i know about it, there is potential to be surprised by it, in good ways and bad ways. Perhaps it is all forgiving as christians say, but perhaps it is wrathful, like christians say! So nondoing may be forgiven but its possible that you’ve been warned and witnessed against nondoing and that its a vice you must overcome in your lifetime. What do you think and feel?

Its august. You have five months until you start school. You’ve been in this house for three months. What can you accomplish in five months? You could get a job, with purpose and usefulness, as a yogi, finding a babysitter for those hours during the week when you are teaching. You can volunteer at the local nursery, learning about plants and how to teach... If you felt like it. You could even just do that for a few hours, interviewing the master gardeners for what their time is worth and then dipping out when you’ve had enough. You can begin to build a network with midwives and doula’s, creating connections and attracting ‘clients’ or whatever, and maybe if a birth beckons and calls to you, you can leave the babe with your mother in that emergency moment, and be with the woman, or you can even take echo with you and get a babysitter on call or something!

Don’t let your child be an excuse for inaction. You can do whatever you want, even with a child. You have the money for a babysitter and you have the need and desire for usefulness beyond motherhood.

So what is my advice to me in the next few moments?
Follow your feet. You don’t know what is right for you right now, and you are afraid of getting in too deep. Heed that fear, and take on little by little and see how it feels. A yoga class once a week isn’t too much, but maybe a yoga class and volunteering in the nursery is too much to jump into right now. So, heed that fear.

You won’t ever be completely stagnant, so don’t worry about that. You might feel more stagnant that you’d like to be, and that’s fine, but don’t bother thinking you’re lazy and not pulling your weight unless someone distinctly tells you so. Follow your inclinations, and if that starts and ends with planting a few flowers, that’s maybe all there is in the stars for now. Your significance does not lie in what you do, but in what you represent and emanate. The joy and happiness you bring to people has little to do with what you Do, but more to do with what you Are, and you are divine and you radiate it at least a third of the time.

So go to sleep, dear. Its almost 3am, and noone can radiate when sleep-deprived.


joy and shittiness

Sorrow and depression and grief used to be intolerable to me. This past week I have been feeling all of that, though for no articulated reason. I posited to the moon that perhaps ti was just the capacity to feel grief and sorrow that i was aware of, but wasn't actually feeling it, just empathizing with the feeling.

There's an existential feeling of purposelessness that is permeating my life right now. Day in and day out. But unlike before where that feeling would really depress me and knock me out, I'm just floating through it. I think i've been educated enough through life to know that its temporary, and because of my familiarity with intense purpose-fulness and joy i know it'll just cycle back to that eventually.

I was just watching Lost, a show where the characters are in constant adrenaline and excitement and fighting for survival. I used to think if i ever found myself in that situation i would kill myself because i'd be unable to stand that fear. Now i realize that the base survival is excitement and purposeful, and should the world fall into disarray, i would not end my life and i would fight to survive. Not because i'm afraid of death, because i very much am looking forward to that in an inspired sort of way... but because i'm alive now, and will eventually die, and if such excitement should come my way (i'm thinking about this fall, when Nibiru, the red kachina, or the super massive dwarf star mentioned in the Quickening comes back and does something strange to our reality) then i shall go with it. And this purposeless feeling that i'm enwrapped in right now, well i'm taking note of it, because i know how suddenly things can change.

Yin and Yang cannot exist independently of one another. These two feelings are in relation to one another. This feeling serves its purpose. And i really dislike being in the midst of it because its making me a shitty mother. and i hope it passes soon.





Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.